In 1979 the “entertainment” at a Computing Laboratory party was the surprise (to Ewan) trial of Professor Ewan Page for offences under the Megalomania Act of 1643 (whose text was provided by Emeritus Professor D. W. (Bill) Elliot, previously Head of our Law Department). Ewan was about to leave Newcastle, for the vice-Chancellorship of Reading University. David Appleton recalled: “I recall it well because the University had already given him gifts, including a rug which he accepted saying I’ll remember you every time I tread on it, and when I told Murray Laver that he replied we’ll remember you every time we pull it from under your feet.”
The venue was a large room in the refectory, which was in fact part of an even larger room, so the one end of the room was a actually a closed floor-to-ceiling partition. A piano had been positioned in front of this partition, to one side. The buffet was served in the centre of the room. After it was finished, people were asked to rearrange their chairs ready for the cabaret, facing in the direction of the piano, whereupon Tom Anderson, David Appleton and John Lloyd started a recital of old Laboratory songs. Probably few in the audience had noticed that a number of the diners were no longer present.
A police siren was then heard in the distance, and then banging and shouting, all getting nearer and louder. In burst a short fat, and a tall thin policeman (Iain Scoins and Terry Ratcliffe, whose uniforms had it was later revealed in fact been borrowed from the People’s Theatre). They rushed over to Ewan and arrested him. While this was going on the partition was drawn back to reveal a full court scene — twelve jurors seated on a raised stage, an empty prisoner’s dock, and three gowned and be-wigged figures: Murray Laver (the Judge), Elizabeth Barraclough (the Defending Counsel) and Brian Randell (the Prosecuting Counsel).
Ewan was placed in the dock, between the two policemen. The trial involved several counts. One was of cheating at golf — the chief witness for the prosecution being Les Wilson. The principle evidence supporting this charge was a golf driver that Les demonstrated that had some very interesting properties. It had a small press-button switch at the end of the handle. When switched on a light came on in the head of the club, which started flashing when the golf club was held at the right angle. This flashing speeded up when the club head was near the golf ball. (All this was the work of Rod Walker who had hollowed out the wooden club head, fitted it with appropriate switches and sensors, and placed a set of torch batteries in the handle — all this was explained only after the trial, when Ewan was presented with the club.)
The other counts with which Ewan was charged have been lost in the mists of time, as have all records of the interrogations. However it is recalled that, throughout the trial, all attempts by the prisoner to interrupt were prevented by stern ‘Silence in Court’ commands from the policemen, emphasising this order by brandishing their truncheon. Indeed when asked if he wished to make any statement before sentence was passed, he replied “I dare not”. (A recent comment from Ewan: “I remember the sentence : ’14 years in Reading Jail ‘, conveniently situated near to the University where I was to be VC and co-terminus with the period that I could serve”.)
What passed for a script has been found. Unfortunately, the closing speeches by the Defending and Prosecuting Counsels, and of the Judge’s masterly (and hilarious) summing up, are not included. (Murray Laver was for a number of years a much-appreciated Visiting Professor.) The verdict was of course ‘Guilty of All Counts’. All that remains are the following photographs.
